The Love of My Life

Yesterday afternoon it occurred to me what an unjust thing it is that I haven't posted about Matt yet. I mean, my other two boyfriends both got posts, but not this wonderful, life-changing man who has won my heart and changed my life. That just doesn't seem fair. I think a big part of it is that I just don't feel like I can do the whole thing justice via a blog. Also, normally I like to have a post pretty much outlined in my head before starting, but I haven't even had enough time to flip my daily calendar since April 12, so that hasn't happened either. But I have decided that even if it isn't elegant, I really need to sing his praises here on my blog.

My relationship with Matt has been such an incredible experience. He has just had this incredibly healing effect on my heart. And I don't mean healing from my heartbreaks of the past year, but healing for the bumps and bruises I carry from my childhood, and healing me of these false ideas I've had about love and marriage and relationships. It is just so wonderful. He just loves me like any girl would ever want or hope to be loved, and for this I can't help but adore him in return.

So, here's a little bit about Matt. I'm just free-style typing whatever I think about him, so I hope it goes well.

Matt is wonderful. He is a seeker of joy. He is the master of his fate and the captain of his soul. He looks for, recognizes, and follows God's plan for his life. He is a hard worker. He wants to be righteous. He is just so solid and steadfast. He loves dumb puns, just like I do. He is so tall and handsome (I always figured I'd marry a nerdy-looking guy, which I would be fine with, but it turns out "super handsome in a traditional sense" is super awesome). He is good at fixing things. He treats me like a princess. He honestly believes I am the most wonderful woman in the whole world. He loves his family. He wants to have a dozen children. His dream calling is in the Primary. He is always so willing to help me with anything that I need or want. He did such a good job of winning me over. He is a great dater and wooer of women (I guess I should say "woman" since I'm the only lady he's ever tried to woo, but was so so super good at it).

Mostly, I guess what needs to be said about Matt is that I just trust him absolutely and completely. Marriage really is a leap of faith, but I am just so confident in him. I've never just completely trusted in anyone before. It's a surprisingly nice feeling.

If I had been blogging during the last five months, here are some of the stories about him I would have shared:

* that he brought me flowers, chocolates, AND jewelry to work on Valentines Days, even though we weren't even exclusive yet and even though it was my first day at a new office. And later that evening he took me to the ballet.

*that he chartered a plane to propose to me

*that when the ladies at work see flowers at the office they just say, "Oh, more flowers for Holly"

*how wonderful it is that he is constantly working on my house and yard, so I don't have to worry about it

*it's really too bad that a permanent record of our dates wasn't recorded because he is super awesome at planning dates

*how he brings me a Roxburry Juice almost every time he comes over because he knows its my favorite and he likes spoiling me (he even does research on the flavor options ahead of time to make sure he chooses a good one) (PS for those of you living in Utah, seriously check out Roxberry Juice. they're like Jamba only about 10 times better.)

*how he is teaching me what a happy, healthy relationship is like, because it turns out I had NO idea before. His love for me is changing my heart and my life. I am just so thankful for him every minute of every day.

*how he would call and reserve me for a date 6 days in advance (for Valentine's Day he reserved me two weeks in advance)

*how he wants me to have anything I can think of wanting. How he remembers everything about me and uses it to my advantage. How he lights up when he sees me. How he has helped me see that love is so much deeper and wonderful-er and life-changing than I ever would have even imaged.

*that he wants to spend his life proving his love to me. And when I ask him if he's sure he'll still love me in five years he says beautiful things like, "Five years from now, I'll look back and realize that compared to how much I love you, I didn't even understand what love was when we got married."

Even this list embarrases me because it doesn't say or explain even the littlest part of how I feel and so it seems dumb and superficial. But I just want you, my faithful blog readers, to understand even a little bit of how great this man is and how wonderful our relationship is. It's just amazing.


I guess I could just say that we're so in love, it is ridiculous and I feel sorry for anyone who has to be around us and our crazy shmoopy-ness. I'm just so glad he happened to me. I'm so glad he fell in love with me and won me over despite my skeptism. I'm so glad that God saved him for me. I'm so glad that I have a love story that is even better than anything I imagined for myself. I'm so glad I followed God's plan for me and took the leap of faith to break up with those other men, even though I didn't want to at the time. I'm glad that over the years God has been preparing me and helping me change so that I could be in a mind-numbingly happy and healthy relationship because I realize that I could absolutely not have opened myself to this ten years ago, or even probably one year ago. "Glad" isn't a big enough word.

I mean, I've always considered myself a happy person, but I am just so so so happy now. I never knew love was so wonderful. Well, I guess I always thought love was wonderful, I guess I just didn't know what "wonderful" actually meant.

I feel very blessed to get to marry him in 38 days. Love is better than I ever imagined. It brings to mind how I felt when I first started to understand about Jesus and the atonement. I'd go to church and just look at everyone and wonder, "Do they GET this?!! Do they UNDERSTAND how wonderful this is?! I bet most people don't understand how really great this is." I feel the same way now with relationships. Did other couples experience something like this? Do they know what love is? Have they felt this way? I think the fact that I'm feeling it on this level is a really good sign. I am very very blessed. May everyone find the kind of love and happiness I have now.