A Music Video

Thank you, thank you, thank you Pandora for introducing this song into my life a mere 15 minutes ago.

Title: 2 Atoms In A Molecule


I don't know how a person could stay sad about the end of a relationship with such a peppy, clever break-up song around. It's especially amusing if you read the lyrics.

PS my computer doesn't have Flash, so I'm not sure if the video downloaded, but I hope so. I'd hate for any interested party to miss this!

Several Small Updates

Well, that last post has been up there for a while and, let's face it, was a bit of a downer, so it's high time I updated with the things I've been up to. Consider this three weeks worth up blogs.

Mini-post 1:
Draper Pretends to be New York


Those of you familiar with life in NYC know that one of the big summer events is free concert in Central Park by the New York Symphony. Well, it turns out they have similar events out here in the boonies! To celebrate the brand new ampitheater in Draper (it's very pretty-- built right in to the side of the mountain), the Utah Symphony came and gave a free concert. It was very different from the concerts in Manhattan, but still very nice. I didn't have to bring everything I'd need for the event with me to work. I drove my car and parked nearby, not dealing with the subway. And I could actually see the stage. I'm quite sure that the last Symphony concert I attended in Central Park had more people there than live in Draper. (I'm not over-exaggerating-- I believe the announcer said there were more than 200,000 people in attendance.) One more reason to love Draper.

Mini-post 2:
Pizza Obsession

I went through this stage last week where I was obsessed with eating pizza all the time. This is out of character for me because normally I'm too cheap to buy myself pizza very often. But due to various circumstances, at one point I had three partially eaten pizzas in my fridge.

Yep, I was living large.

Mini-post 3

More Proof for Metaphysics

I am a big believer that most physical problems are manifestations of unresoluted mental or emotional issues, as illustrated by the following actual conversation I once had with a friend:

Me: I've been feeling sick all day.

Friend: Oh no! What's wrong?

Me: I don't know! My book is missing.

The book I'm referring to here is a handy reference guide where you can look up medical maladies and it will tell you the unlying cause and the mantra you can use to get over it. This book has been missing for almost three months and I've mourned it's loss. Especially because I've been getting fat in my arms which has never happened to me before ever in my life and I want to know why.

I'm happy to announce that I found my book. The first thing I did was look up fat arms and I was not at all surprise to see the cause: anger at being denied love. Another win for the book.

Mini-post 4

I Love My Cottage

At some point in the past, a stinking genius must have lived in my house. My mind is continually blown by how perfected designed the annuals are. There is ALWAYS something in bloom! It is a-MAZING. As soon as one thing dies, a different thing is blooming. It is just a wonder that someone could be so smart as to figure something like that out. The roses all died just recently and now this flower is blooming. I don't know what it is, but it's pretty!

Since the break-up, I've been much more social with NMPs (non-Michael people, I just made that up) and consequently have been having lots of people over to my house who have never been there before. I normally give my address and a brief description because the street number is not actually posted on the house. But I have discovered a re-occuring theme: first time visitors normally say they recognized the place as mine because of the Mike Lee posters.
Mini-post 5

Garden Update

I am extraordinarily pleased to announce that I have started harvesting from my garden. So far, I've been blessed with (surprise, surprise) zucchini. It works out well because I love zucchini. I've been eating zucchini patties like it's my job. Yum! I spent a lot of time in my garden on Saturday, mostly because it was Pioneer Day and nothing else in town was opened (is it just me, or does it seem like the pioneers would be horrified that we close the temple in their honor? ). I love my garden.

Then Sunday morning I was making some hummus for a party that night and (you will not even believe how awesome my life is) I just went out to my garden and picked some of my own cilantro to put in. It made me so happy! I am also very pleased to report that even the basil is doing well (and my regular readers will know this is, indeed, a miracle).

Well, I had two other stories to share, but this post has gone on long enough, so I'm going to end now. I just wanted to reassure everyone that I'm doing well. Life goes on. And I am basically happy.

Another overly personal post

A few days ago, I took the last post down because I felt it put too much blame for the break-up on Michael. Then I put it back up, but with plans to put a new post with my new understanding of what went wrong and an update of how I'm feeling. However, up until two days ago I was not able to think or feel anything consistently enough to document on a blog post.


I will say this: last week at church I shared my testimony using the words from my favorite hymn: "The Lord is my light, though clouds may arise faith stronger than sight looks up to the skies where Jesus for ever in glory doth reign, then how can I ever in darkness remain?" That's how I feel. I am sad, but I don't feel like I'm in any darkness. I know God is guiding me and that I'm in a good place, even though it's a sad place, and that eventually everything will work out for my best. I know that. And I'm very thankful to know that because I have been SAD.


It took me a while to hone in on sad because it just doesn't come naturally to me these days. I would get sad for a little bit, but not be able to stick with it because I've felt so blessed and lucky in so many other ways. I'm surrounded by so many people who love me and want to help me. I live in such a beautiful place. Everything else in my life is going so well. Michael didn't mean to hurt me and never lied to me or abused me in any way. I knew that God was guiding me and I was in the right place. And I knew everything would work out perfectly in the end. So, even though people would tell me I should go ahead and mourn, and even though I knew that it was fine to be sad, I just couldn't quite be sad for long periods of time.


Well, that was then and this is now. All of the above are still true. I still feel very blessed. I still know God is in charge and has a big plan that will ultimately be for my good. But I am sad and, dare I say it, my heart is broken. Now I understand what people are talking about. Breaking up is awful, even if it's all for the best. I'm learning to be more sympathetic to people whose heart hurts. And I'm learning that being sad is not the same thing as not having faith. I've learned that when I cry hard enough my cheeks start to tingle. Also, I've learned that when dealing with a break-up, buying sexy lingerie makes me feel better.


I've also learned to be humble and accept love and help. I've seen more clearly how really wonderful and kind humans can be. I'm thankful for so many people. My sweet aunt and uncle who went through everyone's family reunion registration folder and scratched out Michael's name. My cousin who texts me every day to see how I'm doing. The girl (I don't even know her name) who saw me crying right after Relief Society and went to the bathroom and brought me some toilet paper. I'm thankful for the nice emails I've gotten from Michael's friends and family. I have a friend who mailed me a special gift to show her "cherishes me" and I wear it every day to remember that I am very loved. A different friend has volunteered an hour massage. My sisters and mother have been so wonderful. I appreciate my co-worker who is going to help me bring my new mattress home. People are really, really beautiful, and it is wonderful to be on the receiving end of so much love.


So, that's where I am now: sad, but optimistic. Wondering if Michael will come back, but emotionally letting him go. Broken-hearted, but relying on the Lord and trusting Him. I am thankful that I have felt Him so close to me throughout.


And lest you think I spend all my time sitting around moping, let me add here that I am redecorating my house (more on that later) and I've started dating online again. I've been emailing some really great guys and am feeling happy about that. I know that normally after a break-up, women tend to change their hair in some way, but I really like my hair, so I'm trying to think of other things I can change.


I often wonder how people deal with heartache when they DON'T know that God is watching them and has a plan. Or when the Spirit isn't confirming to them that they're in the right place. Or who aren't surrounded by people who love and support them. Or if they have really been abused or abandoned by someone they love. That would be really horrible. I wonder how they deal with it? As my wise mother told me yesterday, "May you never find out."

So, that's where I am now. Sad, but doing fine. I definitely feel like I understand the human experience better now. I'm excited to see what God has in store for me. I know that (eventually) everything is going to work out just great. I'm glad I know God is mindful of me and helping me create a really wonderful life. I'm glad to be in a covenant relationship with Him.