Back to Suburbia

I arrived at my parents house in Michigan around midnight. As always, Mom had made me a sign.

**My mom and I sat alone on our private back patio for a while and watched a meteor shower. We saw 3 super incredible awesome ones.

**I discovered/remembered that I own a super awesome retro Schwinn bike. In suburbia, you have so much storage space that you can easily forget owning even such a major thing as a bicycle. (When I lived here before, my dad heard me say that I wanted a bike, so he got me one at a garage sale--wasn't that nice? But then the tires got flat and I couldn't figure out how to change them and then I forgot about it.)

**I tried to remember the last time I was in a house with central air-conditioning and I THINK it must have been when I was at home last summer. (I'd been in homes that had AC more recently than that, but I decided winter didn't count.) Then I realized that the air probably isn't on because this is Michigan and it's 61 degrees outside.

**Eventually I retired to my quarters in the basement. I do not believe that a mouse or cockroach ever struck the terror into my heart that I felt upon discovering that there was a bat (or some sort of dark, mysterious, ominous-looking flying creature) trapped down there and flying around like a crazed rabies-spreading disaster. This was my first ever close encounter with a bat (or other dark, mysterious, ominous-looking flying creature) and although I am very fond of throwing around the fact that more people are killed every year by their pets than have been killed by bats in recorded history, I don't mind telling you that I made like a military man and full-on belly crawled out of the basement, whimpering like I was in a war zone.

Things like this only happen in suburbia.

Nice Rack

Partially because of my long-held secret jealousy of all the cool people who drive down the highway with bikes on their cars, I decided to buy a rack and transport my bike to Utah in my car along with the rest of my earthly possession.



And if you think I'm too mature and sophisticated to spend the entire day making jokes about my "great rack", then you are 100% wrong.

The New York Lists

My native New Yorker co-workers think it's SOOOO funny that I didn't know that "NO STANDING" actually means "NO PARKING." I mean, comparable to the Dead Dog Story funny. It amuses them to no end. I don't quite understand why they are just so amused by it, but it does bring to mind the first item on the below list:

Things I Will Miss About New York City:

1. any social gaff or faux paus can easily be explained away with a coy smile and the simple statement "I'm from Indiana." I'm pretty sure that will hold NO weight in Utah. But, on the other hand, there will probably be significantly fewer opportunities to expose my ignorance there.

2. This may be vain and politically incorrect, but I love walking around in my neighborhood and being so, shall we say, "verbally adored." Being blonde doesn't garnish much attention in Utah. White guys don't tell you that you're beautiful, just because they see you walking down the street and they think it.

3. Nine JCrews, 14 Banana Republics, 4 Esprits, 8 Ann Taylor Lofts, 3 Anthropologies, 10 H&Ms. (Did I ever tell you about December 26, 2006? I managed to work ten hours and still hit the after-Christmas sales at 4 different JCrews. Where else in the world could you pull that off?)

4. The lovely social aspect of the subway system in two ways: 1. really, truly being amidst and among your fellow city-dwellers, 2: it extends most social events--you ride there with your friends and then ride the subway together back home. Your event doesn't begin and end in the parking lot, but you spend your travel time with your people too.

5. Driving back into the city from anywhere. Seriously, the city skyline takes my breath away every single time.

6. People selling fruit on just about every street corner.

7. Being surrounded by water on all sides. It is so so so lovely to drive down the highways that run on either side of the island. I LOVE the views of the Hudson and of the Harbor from my office too. And, of course, we're close to the beach.

8. Thinking/praying/meditating/studying time on the subway.

9. Being one subway ride away from just about anything you could possibly think of.

10. Rooftop dance parties.

11. Any little patch of green anywhere is beautifully landscaped and perfectly manicured. there are small little parks everywhere and the big parks are the most beautiful ones in the whole country.

12. Need I mention Broadway, ballet, opera, and Gray's Papaya hot dogs? (yes, they DO belong in a category together)

13. Free concerts somewhere every single day.

14. Walking around looking at the beautiful buildings and things.

15. Being surrounded by the type of people who want to live in New York City.

16. The hussle and bussel and wonderfulness of it all.

17. Flying to Europe takes the same amount of time as flying to LA.

18. Even if I have a non-prestigious job, I am accounted a success just because I live in Manhattan.

19. Did I tell you about the time I saw Keanu Reeves on the subway? No? That's because that sort of stuff happens all the time and isn't worth reporting

20. Subway dancers


Now, just to be fair and objective:

Things I Will NOT Miss About New York City:

1. Dealing with mice and cockroaches

2. Waiting and waiting for the subway to come on the weekend or late at night when they're on weird schedules and I'm sooo thirsty and soo tired and just want to BE HOME ALREADY.

3. Having to carry anything I want to eat or use (potatoes, watermelon, toilet paper, furniture) up the four flights of stairs to my apartment.

4. Feeling like it's a little miracle every time my car is still there where I left it and without a ticket.

5. Not being able to have a white comforter on my bed because it's by a window that I keep open and it will turn gray in two days.

6. As lovely as only paying $89/month for all my travel expenses (and I don't even pay for it--my work does), getting places on the subway does take a lot of time. So something like a trip to Home Depot or Target will take up 100% of your free time for an evening.

7. Don't believe it when they say it's the city that never sleeps--it will take you at least 45 minutes to get to a store open after 10pm. I mean, those stores exist, but there aren't too many of them, so you'll have to take the subway and if it's after 10pm, the subways aren't running as often. Give me one good 24 hour grocery store any day (and even my little hometown in Indiana has several)

8. It is an unbelievable hassle to get to the airport, especially if you have more than one bag. On multiple occasions getting from the airport to my home has taken more time than my entire flight.

9. Even the most simple weekend get-away requires renting a car which makes it hard to plan and expensive. So even though we're surrounded by really beautiful nature areas, I have only been camping 2 or 3 times the three years I've lived here.

10. Being a Republican in Utah is going to be boring.


And yet, when all is said and done, I will miss Manhattan so much. Even though I'm excited for my upcoming adventures, I am so so so sad to leave. But I am sure it is all going to be for the best.

The Car Report, Part II

On the morning of June 29, 2009 when I noticed my car was missing, I felt right away that everything was going to be okay.

When I learned that through some sort of miracle, I had insurance that would cover the theft, I thought "Oh! This is it! Everything IS fine!"

When my insurance company's three week waiting period was over and they told me how much they were going to pay for my car and I realized that even with the $1000 deductible, I was going to turn a profit on the whole ordeal, I thought "Oh Wow! Everything really IS okay!"

And when the police called me on Tuesday August 4th and told me that my car had been recovered in perfect condition I thought "The insurance was just a red herring! Everything really is fine. I wouldn't have seen this coming."

A quick "what the heck?!" explanation: For all intents and purposes, my car had been stolen by a towing company. They towed my car (signs that read "No Standing" should be understood to mean "No Parking") but they (the tow-ers) did NOT enter it in the "towed car" database and did not attempt to contact the car owner. My car sat in the impound garage for a month before they noticed no one had to come to pick it up. When they ran the plates to find the owner, it came up as stolen, so they gave me a jingle.

The first thing I did after the call was go to the impound to check on my car. It really was in perfect condition. Figuring out how to get the car out of the click proved to be much more difficult. After two days of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, I hatched a plan on how to illegally break it out of the impound. Marcus agreed to help (I was maybe not forthcoming with him that my plan wasn't technically legal). After my endless hours on the phone with various state and local departments who were of NO HELP WHATSOEVER, you can imagine my surprise when the lady working at the impound lot knew exactly what I needed to do and it was a process that took less than an hour. You'd better believe I brought her cookies when I came to pick up my 100% legally legit car. Thank you Impound Security Lady!

As I drove home, I had this realization: I had made a legitimate parking error. If they had put my car in towed car registry (as they were legally obligated to do), I would have had to pay the $200 towing fee. Then I would have had to worry about parking the car every night. And I would have had to pay the $150 for insurance for the month of July. So, minus the mental exhaustion of trying to get the car back after it was recovered, having my car "stolen" turned out to be a WINNING experience for me. How CRAZY is that?!!

And it occurred to me: "The WHOLE time everything really was 100% okay. God had this plan that I couldn't have even comprehended." Wow! Plus, the arrived home just exactly when I needed it-- the day before I had to start moving out of my apartment and just in time to answer the prayers of a much-worried ward activities committee who didn't have enough rental van to get everyone to a river rafting activity. I am very very thankful that God gave me the "everything is okay" prompting and that I was able to hear it even in what could have been a frantic situation. And I'm so glad I was able to stick with that feeling of peace and hope throughout the ordeal.

Funny story:
Once I finally got my plates, Marcus (who, I'm going to add here is my hero) asked if I wanted him to come help me get the old plates off and the new ones on. The impound lot is a pretty out-of-the way place, so I said, "Marcus, I love accepting help from you, but I can handle replacing plates by myself." (Although I did accept his mini-tool-kit-thingie.) I was totally wrong--I could not to save my life get the front plates off. I even cut my finger fairly badly trying. I finally had to just pull on the plate enough to make the holes big enough that I could slip it off. Then when I took the car to get the safety and emissions test immediately after, the fellow there put the new one on for me. He didn't seem to have any sort of problem with it. Sheesh.

Seriously, do you know anyone who is more blessed than me?

At that point, the only thing that hadn't worked out 100% perfectly was the fact that I had committed to drive someone else's car across the country. BUT after fasting and prayer, last Sunday another person was found to drive the other car, so now I am free. I was worried about that one, but I figured God had a plan-- someone out there must have been looking for a car to drive across the country and, sure enough, God helped us cross paths with that person and now everyone's prayers have been answered.

Sometimes God's goodness and wisdom just blows my mind.

Work Will Be a Vacation

Today I arrived at a friend's house to drop off some stuff. She took a look at me and said, "You're sunburned!" I thought about this and realized two things: 1. that would explain why my neck has been hurting and 2. that gives some credibility to the vague feeling I've been having that I've done nothing for the past three days except walk in the hot, humid sun to various places entirely too far from a subway stop where I don't really want to be anyway.

Last Wednesday, with only 13 scheduled work days left before I leave for my new life, I realized that my firm doesn't pay for vacation and personal days that weren't used. Since my replacement was already fully trained, and since my hording tendencies provided me with 5 unused days, I decided to take this week off. My plan was to spend some quality bonding time with the city I love and have plenty of time to pack.

As Day 4 of my vacation is coming to a close, I can report that I have not done a fun thing yet. What have I been busy doing? That is a story for another day. But I will say this--for the first time in my life, the following has been happening to me 3-4 times a day: I"m going about my business (probably walking somewhere in the sun) when all the sudden I feel super hungry. I say to myself: "Why am I hungry?!! I JUST ate!!" Then I stop,thinking for a bit, do some counting on my fingers, and realize it's been 4-5 hours since I'd eaten anything. Then I'm annoyed by the fact that I have to do it. But, I very much want to avoid another episode of Wednesday's Full Blown Emotional Breakdown, so I eat. And nap when necessary. But mostly run from place to place trying to get things done and field phone calls and e-mails, which, by the way, I can check while I'm out and about because I finally took the leap and got myself an iPhone! It's only been 48 hours, but already I can't imagine my life without one. I will say nothing else because my words cannot do justice. But, for comparison's sake, I am now going to post a picture of the cell phone that I had been using before. Yes, that is tape holding it together. It has been there for about three months. It was time to move on. Which, as I type this I realize for the first time is very symbolic. My phone is moving on (and up) and I'm moving on and up. And, as much as I spent thinking about it before, it is even more wonderful than I'd hoped.

A little of this, a little of that

1. As I am working on de-junking my apartment I discover I have three decks of Uno and two of Phase Ten. I don't think I've played Uno the entire three years I've lived here. And why do I have three opened jars of jam? I'd like to think I'm a bit more organized with my food.

2. I cannot, for the life of me, get a countdown timer on my blog. This has been a source of much frustration for me. Everyone else makes it look so easy!

3. Sunday I went to church and taught Relief Society. Wearing two different shoes. I didn't notice until the closing hymn. Those who did notice during my lesson thought I was going to tie it in as an object lesson at the end. Good idea--I might try to work that in some other time.

4. I MIGHT have just done laundry for the last time in New York. Oh happy day.

5. This is my favorite thing someone asked me recently: "Other than generally following your bliss, what are your plans for Utah?"

6. I think I'm going to take all the light bulbs with me when I leave. They're the $3 kind that last for years and years and use like 1/10 of the energy. I bought them, so it's not petty to take them, right?

7. I stink at frisbee. Just fyi.
I could put 4 more pictures just like that one, but I will refrain.

8. My "regular" roommates have both moved out and I have two very lovely subletters until the end of the month. Funny stories: I made lentil soup and asked if they wanted some. They each replied, "What's a lentil?". They both are great at doing their dishes, but one of them washes her dishes and then puts them back in the sink. I think that is so funny (funny "ha ha" just to clarify). It amuses me how things are done differently in different families and you go out into the world thinking this is normal. (Said roommate just turned 16.)

9. Last night I saw West Side Story (it was great!) and afterward we wandered around looking some sort of dessert. My date recommended we sit in a small park to eat, but asked if I would get too cold. I decided I would be fine and then had this realization: It is July 23rd and we don't know if we can eat in the park because it might be too cold? What a weird summer.

10. Yesterday I discovered that my firm doesn't pay for unused vacation days, which means I get to take all of next week off!! Then one week of work and then off to my new life!

I think Jane Eyre said it best

Subtitle: Apparently some people haven't heard yet.

I am typically a very at-peace person. Whenever I feel a little disturbance in my internal serenity, I know that something is wrong. I consult with Heavenly Father and we typically figure it out in short-order, I do something about it, and then I feel better. It's a quick and simple process that I very much appreciate.

So you can imagine my surprise when several months ago I had a week-long bout of anxiety that I could not figure out. After several days of dealing with this and no answers as to why, I was sitting in the temple one morning after my shift and the prompting came to me: "Maybe it's time to start thinking about leaving New York." I didn't like that idea so I brushed it off. I had no intention of moving, but just for fun I started thinking of where I would go if I did leave. I thought it over for a while because it is fun and liberating to realize that I could live ANYWHERE IN THE WHOLE WORLD that I wanted. And even with all the exciting possibilities, it didn't take me long to realize that if I were to live anywhere other than Manhattan (which I had no intention of doing), I would live in Salt Lake City. I know, it's boring, but I would be closer to two of my sisters, my three nieces, and all sorts of friends from various stages of my life. Because, really, I could move to Scotland or West Africa or Shanghai or Nebraska, but what's the point if I'm not surrounded by people I love? But I could not bear the idea of leaving New York. It's like Mr. Rochester said: "it is as if I had a string somewhere under my rib, tightly knotted to a similar string in your frame, and if that distance came between us that cord will be snapped and then I should take to bleeding inwardly."

The next morning I woke up and was feeling more emotionally uneasy than ever. I decided to call my home teacher Bryan and ask for a blessing. The blessing was very lovely and didn't tell me what to do, but did say things like "you will be able to maintain the friendships that you established in New York" and "your work will be understanding about your decision." I realized that God was, obviously, leaving the decision up to me but that He thought it was time for me to move on.

I spent most of the next day (Saturday, fortunately) in bed mourning. Several lines from Jane Eyre kept going through my mind. Most notably "I see the necessity of leaving you, and it's like looking upon the necessity of death." Extreme, I know, but I could definitely see where she was coming from.

Eventually this clarifying point came to me: I really really really love New York. And New York has been SO good to me. But, fundamentally, New York is an inanimate object that is incapable of loving me back. And in the choice between a place I love and people I love, I will choose to be near the people.

After that insight, I did feel better about the idea of moving, although still sad. That was the end of April, so I've had awhile to get use to it. (Although I did not make public my decision until June.) My sadness to excitement ratio has been steadily moving towards "excitement" during that time. I will be living with two of my favorite friends (and two random but supposedly very agreeable girls) in a totally awesome house. And, at points, it has seemed to me that New York City no longer sings joy to my heart the way it used to. I'm ready for a new adventure. I'm going to learn to ski (snow AND water), take up tennis, spend more time hiking and camping, have a garden (!!!!), and just generally do an all-around better job of grabbing life by the horns.

It is interesting that three years ago when I was trying to decide where to move, I had my options narrowed down to New York City or Utah but realized that moving to Utah would be the "safe option" and I did not want to make a decision just because it was safe, so I decided (thank goodness!) to take the risk and move to Manhattan. As I made the decision this time, it occurred to me that the tables have turned and now the decision to stay in New York was "safe" and the decision to move to Utah was risky and adventurous. Life is funny sometimes.

As I get closer to my departure date (only three weeks!!!) I'm getting sad again. I am so so so thankful that I got to spend three years here. I've wanted to live in Manhattan since I was around 13, but I never thought I actually would. I have loved my time here so unbelievably much. I have learned and grown and changed in ways I wouldn't have imagined. BUT I know that Heavenly Father is leading me to something even better. And He and I together will create a great life for me wherever we go.

Everything Is Beautiful at the Ballet

I'm not sure as to the how, why, or when, but lately the idea has come to me that I am a big, big fan of the ballet and just never knew it. So, I decided to test my hypothesis with a trip to the America Ballet Theatre's Production of Prokofiev's Romeo and Juliet. It turns out (and I love when I can say this)I was right! I do love the ballet.



Why, oh why, could I have not discovered this earlier?

It turns out that every night of a ballet performance has different people dancing the leads (in ballet terms "principle"), so every show is a little different even though the choreography is the same. The fellow I stood next to for the first act (after that, I moved from my standing room ticket that I paid $26 for to the seats directly in front of me which sale for $103) had seen the performance three times! And it only ran for one week. (The week the ABT was doing Giselle, he saw every single show!) I could have done that. Oh well.

I love when I discover another one of the beautiful things about life. So many things to be thankful for!

Harry Potter 7, take 2

One of my favorite New York City memories is the subway after the midnight release of Harry Potter 7. It was around 1:30 or 2 when I went into the station and I loved that every single person there was reading it.



I myself was determined to read the entire thing before any spoilers were printed. To that end, I stayed up for about 20 hours straight and read the whole thing in pretty much one sitting.

At this point, I will explain that my addictive personality manifests itself in full force when it comes to books. You may be aware of how I can get obsessive even with bad literature, so you can imagine my over-reaction to good literature (seriously, don't even get me started on my love for Uncle Tom's Cabin). With this in mind, several years ago I have set for myself a "only one time through" rule for Harry Potter. I just get too, too, too excited.

That said, I was disappointed with Death Hallows. It just didn't move me the way I expected it to. Other people seemed to love it a lot, but it just didn't elicit a strong emotional response from me. Which surprised me, especially since everyone else I talked to about it said it was the best one yet. (as a side note, my favorite was probably #3-- I almost beat myself to death with the book because of the suspense at the end.)

Friday night, in preparation for the upcoming release of movie #6, I went to a Potter-themed party to watch #5. The next morning, I was trying to remember who had died at the end of book 7 and I couldn't remember so I got out my copy and started looking. I read one paragraph and was instantly sucked in. Despite my once-through rule, I found myself re-reading the last 150 pages. And it was really really really good. I kept thinking "this is the best book ever!! No wonder everyone loved it!!" I was touched, moved, distraught, uplifted, overwhelmed and inspired (sometimes simultaneously), and eventually--emotionally satisfied.

Let this be a lesson to me: I cannot emotionally appreciate a book when sleep-deprived. I will not make that mistake again!

PS Right after finishing this post, I found this on PostSecrets

The Car Report

Tuesday 16 June: I decide I want to buy a car and recruit Marcus, my go-to guy for all things involving wheels, to help.

Thursday 18 June: after a discouraging trip to a shady car dealership in Jersey, Marcus and I set an intention for exactly what we wanted: a 4-door Honda Civic with automatic transmission made between 1998 and 2003 with low miles and within my budget.

Friday 19 June: first thing in the morning, Marcus finds on-line the exact car we had outlined

Saturday 20 June: by 11am, I have the title of said perfect car in my hands.


Monday 22 June: I have managed to get myself insured and registered and put my license plate on my car so I can move it out of the church garage where I have had it some-what illegally parked since Saturday. My first attempt at driving my car (Marcus had done all the test driving), was to take Marcus back to his apartment. I manage to make him swear only one time. Then, after only 40 minutes of looking, I manage to get it parked on the street.

Tuesday 23 June: I drive a friend to the airport at 3 am. After 70 minutes of looking for parking and only 90 minutes of sleep, I pay to park in a garage

Wednesday 24 June: I have to work, but my car takes my roommate to the beach without me

Saturday 27 of June: Road trip to Philadelphia!! Upon arriving home around midnight, I find a lovely parking spot in just about 10 minutes and joyfully skip home.

Monday 29 June: A Day That Will Live in Infamy
10:30am--I go to check on my car before work and it's not there. I feel strangely calm and very clearly feel prompted that everything is going to be okay. I don't know (and still don't know) exactly what they means/meant, but I feel with my whole soul that it is true.
11:30--after checking 3 different places to make sure my car wasn't towed, a policeman tells me I need to call 911 and report it stolen.
12:00pm-- I get to fulfill a life goal of riding in the back of a squad car when the police take me to look for broken glass at the scene of the crime and then back to the station to fill out the paperwork
1:00 Exactly one week and three hours after leaving my State Farm Insurance office with my temporary card, telling the agent "Hopefully everything is fine with my car and I'll never see you again," I am back informing them of the robbery. I receive the happy surprise of my life upon being told that I do, in fact, have full coverage. I don't know how that happened, but I am so so so thankful.
2:30 pm I'm back at work telling the tale.

So, that's the story. I owned my first car for eight days. Now it's gone. Gone like a freight train. Gone like yesterday. Gone like a soldier in the Civil War.

I'm sad because it was such a good car. I'm sad because I had to cancel my trips to Boston and Ghettysburg. I'm sad because now I can't go on the road trip with my mom to South Dakota to visit her cousins.

But mostly I just feel at peace. For some reason I feel very protected and watched over by Heavenly Father. Usually I'm so tight with my money and I get so frustrated about wasting any. And normally I second guess myself about decisions. But in this circumstance, for some reason I just don't feel upset about either of those things. I don't know why things worked out this way after I feel like received the confirmation that buying a car here would be a good option, but I don't feel like I need to know. I just know that God is over all things and that He is watching over me. I know that everything is, and will be, fine. I'm thankful to know that God loves me and is taking care of me. I'm glad that my family is okay and I'm okay. As far as stinky life things that happen, this is a fairly minor one and I'm thankful for that.

Also, I want to sincerely thank those of you who already know about recent loss and who have been so kind and supportive to me. I really appreciate you. Your kind words and tokens have meant a lot to me.