Jonah-- the misunderstood prophet

Poor Jonah. No one ever looks at his story in historical context, especially taking into account chapter 4. I was lucky enough to be in a class where we did both and it made me totally understand the poor guy better. I was very excited to share my insight with my Sunday School class yesteday when we were studying his story, but they just didn't get it. Blank stares. Continued blame for being faithless. I was sad. I decided to plead Jonah's case to you, my blogging audience. Thank you for listening.

First, let's point out that Ninevah was in Assyria. We Bible-studiers are familiar with Assyria-- in addition to being total bad a's (that anyone would be afraid to go preach repentance to), they were also enemies and continual threat to the Israelites.

Sec0nd, let's point out the geographic situation:

As you can see from this map that I just found on the internet, Assyria is not at all far from Israel. Yep, it pretty much right up there by the northern 10 tribes.

Third, let's point out that Jonah must have been a pretty awesome, with-it, righteous, inspired man. A) he was a prophet after all, B) the people on the ship recognized him as a man of God, C) once he decided to do what God wanted, he did manage to convert an entire city of unbelievably wicked people. These things are not accomplished by faint-hearted, faith-lacking, pansy, lily-livered girly-men like we normally paint him to be.

Fourth, let's examine chapter four. This is after everyone in Ninevah repents. Jonah's mission has been totally successful-- not only had he not gotten killed, he managed to save all these souls. But he goes up on a mountain looking over the city and talks to God. He says that before he even left home he knew that the people would repent, which was exactly why he tried to run away. Then, he says that he wishes he were dead and asks the Lord to kill him.

What? With the way this has been taught to us since Primary, chapter four just makes no sense.

Now, consider this: Jonah understood the idea that the Lord blesses the righteous. Repentance shifts the balance of power. If one nation is more righteous than another, God favors that nation more. He understood that a big part of the reason Assyrian had not yet conquered Israel is because Israel was more righteous. So, if he knew before he even left that the people of Ninevah would repent and become more righteous than the Israelites, and thereby gain God's favor and upset the balance of power, enabling them to defeat Israel in war. In other words, his mission would bring about the downfall of his own nation. That is WAY scarier than the idea of being killed for Christ's sake. And that is something that even a strong, faithful man like Jonah might try to avoid.

And that is exactly how it turned out-- Jonah's mission to Ninevah was sometimes between 793 and 753 BC and the Assyrians conquered the 10 Tribes in 722 BC.


In sharing this information, I'm not trying to say that Jonah was a perfect person or that it was right for him to run away from what God wanted him to do. Of course, Jonah needed to do what he was called to do, even if it was hard and would cause the eventual downfall of his own people. I just think we need to give him credit for the fact that what he was asked to do was way harder than just risking his life to preach the gospel.


To summarize: of course Jonah should have done what God wanted and not try to run away. But, let's give him credit for the fact that he wasn't just afraid of being killed, he didn't want the destruction of his entire country on his head. Which seems reasonable. Not a good excuse for disobeying God, but you can kind of see where he's coming from.

Spending Fast (the noun, not the adverb)

About six weeks ago, I decided to go on a spending fast. The rules are simple: spend NO money, except for gas for the car, which should be used only for driving to work and church. Rent, utility bills, and tithing are also okay. Well, the limitations on driving didn't last, but other than that, it's been going well.

I feel like a pioneer woman! Living off the land, as it were. Picking cucumbers out of my garden for my daily vegetable. Giving creative homemade gifts. Finding clever ways to avoid the social situation of going out to eat. Abstaining from an occasional Red Box movie rental or dollar burger.

Of course, as soon as I made this goal, things started going wrong. My blow dryer broke. I ran out of apricot scrub for my face. I ran out of shampoo. My muffler started making funny noises (okay, I had been ignoring that for a while). My online dating account expired (which reduced my frequency of eating at restaurants for free). My sunglasses broke (and my eyes really don not like being exposed to the sun).

It has been fun to find solutions to problems! I realized I don't really need to blow dry my hair and that saves me like 10 minutes every morning. I started washing my hair with body wash and it looked okay (I just used extra conditioner-- I still have plenty of that). I didn't want to eat cold cereal after I ran out of milk, so I started eating cracked wheat for breakfast every morning and it turns out I really like it! Also, it's very filling and I found I ate less all day. I also liked having to be accountable for really planning my meals (especially a lunch for work) because just going and buying something cheap (what I normally do) was not an option. I will admit that after a month, I decided that I really needed my apricot scrub, so I decided to spend the $3 and buy some-- but I used some cash that I just had laying around, so I like to think it didn't count. Also, after one week I had to buy some milk but that was the best way I could think of avoiding going out to eat with a friend (it's a long story).

And people have been so supportive of me. I have been very conscious of not wanting to accept charity because a) I'm not actually destitute-- I still have plenty of money (it would be different if I actually needed help) b) I don't want anyone else to be inconvenienced by a decision that I made (as opposed to if life circumstances forced me to not spend money). But I have been very happy to accept things people don't need. My jogging companion gave me an old pair of sunglasses she had in storage in the garage and I was very grateful for that. A lady at work, upon hearing of my goal, started bring me fresh goat's milk because her goat produces more than her familly can drink. It is so so so so so yummy and I feel very blessed. My sister Heather (after several weeks of her insisting) gave me some very nice shampoo (this was a charity case, but I realized it was important to her, so I gave in).

One thing that has been surprising to me is how I have pretty much continued to eat normally. I have been able to pretty much cook whatever I want. So I've been pretty proud of my food storage. And I still have plenty left. I'm sort of interested to see how long I can keep this up, but I don't want to totally deplete my food storage, so I'll probably only keep going a few more weeks.

All in all, this has been a very fun adventure. I might make a habit of doing it periodically throughout my life.

The Power of Intentions

Yesterday I got to spend the evening with an old friend. On the way home I stopped to get gas. While I was cleaning my windshield I heard a whistle. Not that unusual. So I looked up and saw a young man smiling at me. I smiled back.

"What a beautiful lady!"

I smiled at him again.

"Are you wearing a wedding ring?"

He looked like an okay sort of of guy.

"Nope."

"Do you date 25 year-olds in the church?"

He was walking towards me now so I could see that he had cute blonde curly hair, kind eyes, and had obviously just come from some sort of manly project building something.

"Both of those categories are acceptable to me."

"Maybe we could go out sometime?"

"Well, you could call me sometime."

"Great! Can I give you my number?"

"No. But I'll give you mine-- if you promise not to stalk me if I don't like you."

"No way. I'm a gentleman."

At this point, I would like to clarify that he wasn't buying gas or anything. He saw me as he drove by and specifically stopped and got out of his car with the hope that I would talk to him. We chatted for several minutes and then I left.

He texted me before I even got home.

That in and of itself is not necessarily important enough to warrant a blog post, but this is what makes it cool: I had spent the evening discussing with my friend various things including 1. why it's better to date 25 year-olds 2. why I want to be dating a contractor/construction worker of some sort (which he is) 3. how I am totally in my groove and since the break-up men have been coming out of the woodwork and that I was confident they would continue to do so. Just another example of how there is power in knowing what you want.

I Feel Like That Girl on That TV Show

Subtitle: The First Day of the Rest of My Life
Optional subtitle: The Last of the Overly Personal Posts (Seriously, you will know all my business, why am I am publishing this? It's journal material. Is this an unhealthy form of wanting my life to be exposed, not unlike reality TV show participants?)

When I broke up with Michael, I knew for sure that it was the right thing to do. But I hoped he would learn his lesson and maybe we would get back together. In the last six weeks, I have seen God move in my life and I have learned that I was the one who needed to learn some things. I love how God teaches us line upon line what we're able to receive in order to get us to where we need to be.

The first thing God taught me: "You really put your life on hold while you were with Michael and that wasn't right." I realized He was right (no surprise there). I had made the conscious decision not to make any new friends until I was married. (That was really dumb! What was I thinking?) I was not focusing on improving my career. I hadn't even entirely settled into my house-- I hadn't bought a bed ("we'll use Michael's after we're married), I hadn't hung any of my pictures ("when Michael moves in all that wall space will become bookshelves"). So, I bought a bed and arranged my house just the way I wanted it. I started going to ward and other activities and making friends. I decided on some career goals. I was starting to feel more like myself, and the God taught me my next lesson:

"You really made Michael the center of your life. That wasn't right. He hadn't asked you to do that or expected you too and it threw off your sense of self." Ouch. That one hurt. I had accidentally done that. And I immediately thought of the famous quote my boss and I had been discussing just two days before from "Atlas Shrugged" (the book, ironically, that originally brought Michael and I together): "I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another or ask another to live for me." (A seeming contradiction to the basic tenants of Christianity? I strongly disagree, but that is topic for another day.) So, I started putting myself at the center of my life. I thought about things that brought me joy and started putting more of them in my life. I spent more time thinking about what my motivations were and living with more intention. And I started feeling even more like myself.

Then God told me I needed to stop wondering if Michael and I were going to get back together, and start thinking about what I wanted my next relationship to be like. Since I am a huge believer in the power of intentions, I was surprised to realize that I hadn't already been doing that. And thinking about what I want is one of my favorite things, so that was a fun activity. And as I remembered promises God has made me in the past and things that are important to me, I got a better understanding of what my ideal relationship looks like and that made me excited and happy and made it possible for me to follow my next direction from God:

"It's okay. Let him go."

I had been working on doing that for three weeks at that point, but when I was actually looking over the ledge with the intention of jumping, it was scary. But I knew it would be okay and so I did it. I just let go, emotionally. It was liberating, but a very interesting thing happened immediately thereafter: once I didn't feel a need to be loved and accepted and admired by him I began to realize how good and strong our relationship had been, how much he had loved me, and how my insecurities had largely been produced by myself. That was surprising to me.

Shortly thereafter my sister hosted an intervention which pretty much consisted of this: "You were cuckoo when you were dating Michael. Completely unlike yourself. Clingy and desperate. A totally different person." (Apparently she had been telling me this for months, but I hadn't ever registered it before.) As we talked about it more, I realized that she was right. As we discussed it more, I realized that being "crazy" in the relationship was a decision that I had subconsciously made and therefore, I could decide to be calm regarding this and any future relationship.

And THAT was the big lesson that God needed me to learn. It was a soul-shaking, paradigm-shifting event. And after that I was just CALM. I have always considered myself a very peaceful person, but I've learned that (for me at least) peace and calm are two very different things. Peace is feeling that all is right with the world, that God is in His heaven and things will work out and everything is okay. I've got lots of that. "Calm," I think, is more of "be still and know that I am God." Just kind of emotional stillness. It turns out, I have been missing that almost entirely. Probably for most of my life. But then, I made a decision to be calm and it was pretty neat. Very different. But good.

After about a week of calmness, I started wanting to tell Michael about "the new me." I was sure that now that I was calm, collected, and happily living my own fabulous life, our relationship would be totally better and we should get back together, at least to give it a go and see how it worked.

You can imagine my surprise when Michael said he didn't want to get back together. What?! On one hand, I was proud of his decisiveness, but then I wondered if he'd forgotten how totally wonderful I am, how much he loves and adores me, and what a great fit we are. We had a nice, open and honest discussion (one of the many good aspects of our relationship). It pretty much ended like this:
Michael: Why would you want to get back together? You were miserable the whole time we were together.
Me: I wasn't that miserable and I was creating the misery myself, not getting it from you. But I'm over that now. Our relationship will be different now. (me thinking: this has been the whole point of this conversation-- why aren't you listening to me? You've always been so good at listening to me.)

Then I stopped and thought for a microsecond and looked at him. And I realized: he had totally gotten over me. Well, this was an unexpected development that I had certainly not seen coming. But as soon as I realized it, I knew it was over, and I felt immediately that that was right and everything was okay. It was pretty much the exactly the same way I felt that morning in New York City when I realized my car was missing-- and we all remember how unexpectedly perfect that turned out. (if you do go to the link, be sure to read the part starting "driving home, I had this realization" because that's the main idea).

So we talked a little while longer and agreed that we had had a good run and felt very grateful to have known and loved each other (at least I did). I felt peaceful and thought it was a congenial, happy conversation. In reflecting on the exchange, I realize that it was probably super rude to say (even jokingly and with love) that I thought his wife would probably be ugly. Oops! It's my first major breakup, I'm still figuring these things out.

So that is absolutely, positely the end of that. I am ready to move on with my life. I am pleased to announce that I don't even want to be with Michael anymore. And when I think of not being with him, I feel fine. This is the right thing. It's a good thing Michael was sensible enough to get over me fast because if I had my way and we'd gotten back together, we would have both wasted more time and ended up sadder at the end. Which is why I knew I could trust him to make the right decision. Because he is a great guy. A guy who makes sure his woman has what she needs. And who could tell if I was worried (even without exchanging words or seeing my face) and did his best to make me feel better. So I wish him all the best and I hope his wife is very lovely.

And I have learned so very important things about how to be in a relationship. Now I will (hopefully) not make those same mistakes when I do meet the love of my life. I'm confident I'll find lots of other mistakes to make, but I'm glad I had the chance to date and love Michael and learn and grow and figure stuff out before the real thing. A sort of nifty "dress rehearsal."

I remember that when Michael and I were first dating and totally twitterpatted, but I wasn't sure he was "the one," I would tell my friends that I didn't know if this was "it" but if it was just a precursor to finding the love of my life, when he did come it would be unbelievably incredible because the warm-up was amazing. And I still think that it true. Yes, good things are lining up for Holly Bluemlein.

This is not what I expected to happen, but I just have to say what is in my soul: All is well. All is well.

Last Year's news

Exactly one year ago today, I packed my car up and lefting my beloved Manhattan home, starting my epic cross-country road trip. As it turns out, road tripping with no schedule and plenty of money is a great vacation option.

In celebration of this anniversary, I've decided to report on "The Rip-roaring Trip Out," which is something I always meant to do, but never did.

Stop #1: Montauk

Montauk is a vacation town on the very further tip of Long Island. Some friends of ours had rented a house out there for the entire month of August so I decided to make that my first destination. Marcus came along. In fact, he came in the morning, serviced my car himself, loaded all my worldly possessions in my car himself, and then attached the bike rack and bikes himself. I miss that kid.

(and can I even SAY how happy I was to finally be one of those "cool kid" cars driving down the highway with a bike rack? You might also remember me mentioning something about it here.)

I prepared by putting on my dress that I always wore to the Hamptons and spent a few minutes being thankful that I had a life stage where I needed a dress that I "always wore to the Hamptons" and did my hair and make-up extra pretty. (Note: Montauk is not part of the Hamptons, but we did drive through the Hamptons and we thought we might stop to take some photos, so I wanted to be ready. We ended up stopping there, but only for some fruity drinks at Starbucks.)

I then, just like that, I drove off, leaving my wonderful, magical Manhattan. I tear up a little bit even now thinking about it. And actually I didn't drive, Marcus did because I hate driving in the city and he knows the bridges out of town way better than I did. Plus, that was I could look at everything. It was sad saying good-bye, but as soon as I couldn't see Manhattan anymore, I started getting excited about my new adventure again.

Montauk was beautiful! The house (which was also beautiful) was within walking distance to a private beach. This was my bedroom:
I love how the windows make it so you're practically sleeping in the backyard. Only with air-conditioning and a comfy mattress.

This was the backyard:
You can tell I was fresh out of the city because I was amazed by all the tree right there without a particular purpose or landscraping plan. It's not photo-worthy to me now a year later.

While we were there, we enjoyed trips to the beach, leisurely bike rides and sitting in the hot tub. I remember particularly a bit of culture shock when I went to the grocery store and all the workers spoke English (however, none of them knew what hummus was).

After two days, it was time to take off. Instead of paying $50 for a ferry to Conneticut, I decided to drive myself, which required driving the full length of Long Island again (3 hours. Seriously, it's long) and then across Manhattan and over the George Washington bridge to New Jersey. I love the George Washington bridge because I could see it from my bed for two years and looked at it during my thinking time. To me, it represents a lot of what I felt and learned and realized and experienced my last two years in New York. So, I was happy to "really leave" New York over it. Driving myself out this time broke my heart, especially since I left the island through my own 'hood. I think I could even see my building from the highway. I tried to touch the skyline through my window and just kept driving, tearing up a bit.



Stop #2 Kirtland, Ohio

My parents didn't want me driving all night and arriving home in Michigan at 3am, so they strongly recommended that I stay at a hotel (I would use the word "absolutely insisted" except I'm an independent adult and no one can insist I do anything). I stayed in Pennyslvania, which ended up being good because 1) I had forgotten what bad night vision I have while driving, 2) I didn't miss any of the totally gorgeous PA scenary, and 3) it enabled me to take an unscheduled stop in Kirtland, Ohio which is a historical sight for the LDS church (which as you know is the church I'm lucky enough to be a part of). It was a brief, but enjoyable visit, even though I didn't take any pictures.



Stop #3 Michigan

I already blogged about that.


Stop #4 St. Louis

This was a highlight. I grew up near St. Louis (3hrs away) and we went there sometimes and I always thought it was super lame. Turns out, St. Louis is TOTALLY AWESOME! My best friend from high school, Jamie, had been living there a few years and had been asking me to come visit, so I figured this was the perfect opportunity. I never thought that I would leave LOVING St. Louis. I ended up staying four or five days and I would have stayed longer, but I was afraid Jamie and her boyfriend (now fiance!) would keep buying me things.

There is so so so so so much to love about St. Louis!

The zoo!! Hello! You can pet sting rays (for a dollar, but that's okay because admission is free) and I learned that hippos are my very favorite animal. So graceful under water! No wonder Walt Disney made them ballerinas in that movie. Plus, from Jamie's super awesome apartment, I could ride my bike there! Best zoo ever.


The Art Museum (also free) where they had a surprisingly good collection and I discovered my new favorite painting of all time. I could just look at it for hours.

The Food-- best ice cream sundae I've ever had (seriously) and it turns out St. Louis has their own style of pizza and I LOVE it! (thin crust with a tangy cheese and sauce! yum! I need to go back and get some right now!)

The Botanical Garden is hands-down the best one I've ever been too, including all the ones in New York too. (I mean those are also very very nice, but different and I liked that one better.)
Check out this lily pad-- it looks fake, but it's not.
Their koi pond (although it was more river-like) was also awesome. They sold a handful of food for a quarter and it was the best $2 I've ever spent. Look at the photo-- you can't even tell which are the fish and which are the ducks. The ducks would literally walk on the backs of the fish. Awesome.

The museum was only okay, but did provide me with one of my very favorite quotes: It's profound really. And since discovering the quote, I've realized that it's true again and again and again.

The St. Louis temple is great. It's the first temple I went to and this was my first time back. And I'd forgotten about how non-Manhattan temples have such beautiful landscaping. As soon as you drive in the gates it's like a fairy land.

Oh man, I love St. Louis. This was a very unexpected turn of events. Also, my sheer dumb luck (good thing I extended my time in Michigan!) Jamie had some med school friends staying with her who live in Salt Lake now. The wife is from Indiana and now we watch the Colts games together. Small world.

Stop #5 Oklahoma City

My two brothers and my little sister all live together in Oklahoma City, so of course I would not miss this chance to visit them. Also, at this point in my vacation I got a little head cold and it was a good place to convalesce.

Turns out Oklahoma City is pretty neat too. But the vast majority of my time was spent at the house, resting, watching downloaded TV shows, eating mass amounts of yummy food, and, oddly enough, playing zombie-based board games.

Also, I got to go to Cici's pizza which was my very favorite place to eat on my mission, but I'd not gotten to eat there since then. Those of you who have experienced it know what I'm talking about.

The best part was getting to see my siblings in their "natural setting" and spend time with them.

Stop #6 Akron, Colorado

This bustling metropolis of well over 1,500 residence was a not-to-be-missed stop on my adventure because it's the home of my favorite auntie Kathleen.



We had a lovely dinner together, went on a walk, watched a movie, and I had a nice tour of the town. We went to a park I remember visiting as a little girl where they had this mini-merry-go-round that I have always remembered as the greatest thing in the world. It was still there, but could have used a good oiling. We did a little shopping and auntie bought me a book which was very nice. I was sad I couldn't stay longer, but by this point I was getting anxious to get somewhere settled in. Plus, I'd already delayed my Utah reservations about 3 times. So after a day and a half, I was off.

Stop #7 Provo and Tooele Utah

I stayed with my sister in Provo and we went to visit my sister in Tooele. It was the first time I'd seen my neice Ashley. My brother John (who was at three of my 7 cross-country stops) was in town for a job interview. I stayed with them a few days, but by that point I was ready to SETTLE DOWN SOMEWHERE ALREADY!!

So on September 1, I drove up to Sugarhouse (a neighborhood in Salt Lake City) and moved into my new place to start my new life. But that's a different story.

My Dave Barry calendar entry for the day

It was too long to put on facebook, so I'm posting it here.

"New York City, as you know if you have ever met a New Yorker, is the greatest place in the world for everything: buildings, restaurants, stores, pizza, water, nightclubs that nobody can get into, hand gestures, rats, everything. New Yorkers are very proud of being from such a great city. If a New Yorker is forced to go to another place, he never misses an opportunity to tell anyone within the sound his voice (a fourteen-mile radius) specifically how the new place is inferior to New York. If a New Yorkers visits China, he will declare that the Chinese food in New York is much better. This is why New Yorkers are so popular wherever they go."--Dave Barry

I mean, I love my new home, but I still find that this is true.